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This was not at all the journal I was planning to make, since I have other subjects I've been wanting to rant about, but since I recently had to deal with another self pity case, it seemed appropriate.

First, let's define Self Pity.


It's very important, before I start, that we agree on what's being discussed here. I'm not talking about persons with depression, or who have legitimate problems. I'm not talking about anybody who feels sorry for themselve WITH REASONS.
I'm talking about people who mistake "humility" and "reducing selfworth", about those who moan and bitch about how much they suck hoping that people will come and validate them, "god I'm so fat (tell me I'm pretty)", this kind of behavior.
AND I AM IN NO WAY ACCUSING ANYBODY OF DOING THESE DELIBERATELY.
Most of people acting like this are not conscious they're doing it, or really think this is how you have to act in order not to be mistaken for an annoying overconfident loudmouth.

But why, god WHY, does Self Pity suck ?


Okay get ready for the ride.

For the person practicing self pity :


It sucks because, unless you're actually someone with a huge ego only trying to manipulate people to tell you that you're great and thus boasting your ego even more (and, frankly, if you crave validation so much, I highly doubt your ego is that great, so really, it stills apply to you), it just lower your self confidence to ground zero.

You're basically repeating over and over that you suck, that your life suck, everything sucks, you can't do anything right, and so forth (without any actual reason. I repeat, not talking about people with real problems like depression or shitty lives with real problems. If you must picture something, picture some teen sitting in his room, in his mom's house, bitching on the internet about how everything sucks, while their mother yells they should be cleaning their room and the neighbourgs' music is too loud. That kind of stuff. Whatever you feel like picturing.)
And if you repeat something long enough, well you'll start believing it, and once you're believing, IT'S TRUE.
Self pity is one of the many possible first step toward depression.
No, really, it is.

Self pitying is not harmless to you. It affects how you see yourself, and how people see you. It makes you see everything a certain way, and do everything thinking about self pity.
Even if you're being manipulative and your whole thoughts process is "man I'm so great at this, I'm gonna post it on the internet saying I suck and waiting for the compliment to flood in."
Obviously, if you're doing this, you're not really okay with yourself.

And now you're gonna say, "but I really do feel so worthless !!! My friends are so much better than me at XXX !"
Well, I answer, that may be so. Maybe you really feel bad, and maybe you really think your friends are better at XXX. But how are they at YYY ? Everybody is good or bad a some stuff. Your friends are certainly not the greatest at doing XXX and it's possible, and very likely, they feel just like you. There are always people ahead and behind you. Really, we're 7 billions of human beings ! If we were to make a ranking of how great people are at XXX, well, I'm not sure we could actually manage to have a consensual top 5, AND, if we did the ranking about how great people are at YYY, the results would be completely different.
So yeah, maybe you feel that way. And maybe you're wrong. And maybe you feel that way, and you're right, but you're also not considering the whole picture.
And maybe you're totally right, and maybe I don't care.
Seriously. If somebody is your friend, they are not your friend because your life is great/sucks, or because you're great/awful at this or that. Most likely, they plainly don't care. They like YOU, or they don't.
For the fucking last time, what you DO is not who you ARE, no matter how hard tv and school would have you believe that.
Also, what you have is not who you are. Sorry about that.

And thus, I don't give a damn about your self pity. I don't believe one word of it, and I don't. care. If you are my friend I give zero shit about how bad you are at singing. I care about how much you like singing. plus with my personnality it's very likely that if a friend went all "god I suck so much at singing" on me I'd just reply "yeah yo do" anyway

For the person recieving your self pity demonstrations :


Well. It's unconfortable to say the least.
They most likely wonder what to do, if they should reassure you (sometimes at the cost of lying) or not (and risk you feeling really bad.)

If it's a friend, they probably have heard it before. If they are not sick of it, they most likely will reassure you with some words that will sound empty even to them. Unless they're your number one fan, in which case they will enjoy telling you once more how much they love you. In which case it still sucks because you're basically invalidating everything they say : they told you over and over they dig your stuff, and yet you keep telling them how much you suck, so you're basically dismissing their opinion as unrelevant, unimportant, or false. Way to go, man.

If it's NOT a friend, and rather a total stranger, congratulation for the awkwardness. Unless, once again, they are the overenthusiastic type, and same problem happens : you're dismissing their opinion. If they are not the overenthusiastic type, well, they are just wondering "uuuh what the heck. how do I answer. what do I do. I was just trying to be nice and pay a compliment/start a conversation/hanging here and asking nothing", and that's not a position anybody enjoys being in. My guess is that they'll try to get the fuck out as soon as possible. Or reassure you with empty words (if you're lucky they'll believe what they say or choose them carefully for it to ring true) before absconding. If you're really really lucky they'll be a very compassionate soul who'll try their best to cheer you up, which is great for you, and exhausting for them, so you should treasure these kind hearts and try to spare their feelings. No, really, when you find someone sweet, keep them close and treat them wel

But am I not being humble ?


NO YOU AREN'T
just like the "nice guy" wondering why girls won't date him even though he's suuuuch a nice guy is often nothing more but a creep thinking girls are entitled to him, people practicing self pity on a regular basis are NOT being humble.
You know what being humble is ? Being humble is knowing that you are not special. It's knowing you are not better and no worse than any random being, that you have your strenghts and your flaws. You can take a compliment just as well as a critique, and you know that your opinion is just one opinion.
(for future reference, I'm aware of that as I write this. I know people will disagree, and that I do not hold the truth, but I do think that it is a valid point of view.)

If you really want to look humble (I'm not saying be, because that's really up to you) while getting compliments or talking about your art, here is a selection of sentences that could do the trick :
"thank you ! I'm glad you like it. I must say I'm not fully satisfied with it, but thank you !"
"Oh, you think so ? I hadn't thought of it that way."
"Well, that's not a perfect piece, but it could have been worse/I'm somewhat glad about it/that's another step toward progress/I'll do better next time, hopefully !"
"I'm a bit disappointed at it. I feel like it could have been better."
"This is the best I can do so far... A long way to go still, but so much already done !"
etc

Here is what not to say :
"Hahaha this sucks so much oh my god I'm a shitty artist"
"Dude no, have you seen what XXX does ? I'm really bad next to them..."
"thank you but really I feel so bad at art lately *insert long personnal rant" (ESPECIALLY TO A STRANGER)
"I'm never gonna improve"
so forth

do you see the difference ?
plus. you're allowed to say that you did something cool, without sounding like a prat. Heck, even if you sound like a prat, I'd take a happy prat over a self pity prat anytime.

But I really do feel that way, I got zero confidence ! :(


Okay, lemme tell you the magic trick about confidence.
FAKE IT 'TILL YOU MAKE IT.
that's pretty much it. When you face a situation, ask yourself, "what would I do if I was bold enough ?" (or "what would [character] do ?" if that works better for you. please chose a suitable role model, though)
And once you know that, DO IT. DO IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
People aren't going to check if you're really confident inside.
Maybe your hands are shaking and maybe you're sweating too much, maybe your cheeks are burning so bright they'd stop cars and you feel like crying but YOU'RE DOING IT.
Sent your letter, posted your stuff on the internet, showed that picture, told somebody they annoy you, you're doing it. Maybe it won't work, maybe you'll feel regret, but you'll have done it.
And as you start doing more and more things like you are confident, you'll become more confident. Things will seem easier. "Oh, I already did XXX. I can handle this."

It's even easier on the internet, where you don't have to see people.
Plan stuff. Imagine scenarios. Be prepared. I have been told I have a sharp tongue, but really I spend so much of the day imagining conversations, I almost always have three or four lines ready to serve.

Don't overdo it, though. Being confident is different of being a prat, and nothing gives you the right to go to random strangers and tell them with your new confidence that they suck at what they do.
Do your own thing, and let them be.

There may come a time when you'll need all your energy to face haters, anyway.
  • Listening to: my pc going zzzzuuuuuuuummmmm
  • Reading: the discworld
  • Watching: my bank account running dry
  • Eating: fingers
  • Drinking: tea

deviantID

Dr-Aim's Profile Picture
Dr-Aim
Aïm
Artist | Student | Varied
France
take it eeeeeaaaasyyyy
:iconimawesome1plz::iconimawesome2plz::iconideastamp1plz::iconideastamp2plz::iconwhyyes1plz::iconwhyyess2plz:
:iconi-pwned-1::iconi-pwned-2::iconthink1plz::iconthink2plz::iconlaughatyourself1plz::iconlaughatyourself2plz:
:iconhighfived1plz::iconhighfived2plz::icondietodeath1plz::icondietodeath2plz::iconistilllovedisney1plz::iconistilllovedisney2plz:
:iconiawesomed1plz::iconiawesomed2plz::iconcoverit1plz::iconcoverit2plz::icontoogoodforyou1plz::icontoogoodforyou2plz:
:iconinnerdemons1plz::iconinnerdemons2plz::iconrealityruinsmylife1::iconrealityruinsmylife2::icon3am1::icon3am2:
:iconohgoodmorningplz::icontheassasinsfailedplz::iconimgoodinbed1plz::iconimgoodinbed2plz::iconepicfailatlifeplz::iconialmostwinplz:
:iconchopanarm1plz::iconchopanarm2plz::iconihaveskillz1plz::iconihaveskillz2plz::iconooplz1::iconooplz22:
:iconproudtobegeek1plz::iconproudtobegeek2plz::iconthetypeofperson1plz::iconthetypeofperson2plz::iconimnotamorningperson1::iconimnotamorningperson2:
:iconisolipstmp1plz::iconisolipstmp2plz::iconunpopular1plz::iconunpopular2plz::iconnosub1::iconnosub2:
:iconplutostamp1::iconplutostamp2::iconyourstupid1plz::iconyourstupid2plz::icontolkiengeekstamp1::icontolkiengeekstamp2:
:iconfacebooksuxplz1::iconfacebooksuxplz2::icongivechocolatesplz::iconchocolatesplz::icongimpuserstamp1-plz::icongimpuserstamp2-plz:

And more importantly
:iconcommissionopen1::iconcommissionopen2::iconarttradesopen1::iconarttradesopen2::iconrequestopen1::iconrequestopen2:
:iconprojectcomment1plz::iconprojectcomment2plz::iconccwelcomedplz1::iconccwelcomedplz2::iconrandomcommentplz1::iconrandomcommentplz2:

And remembeeeeer, :iconarttheft1plz::iconarttheft2plz:
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:iconfedericomemola:
Merci pour le fav!
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Apr 2, 2014  Student General Artist
de rien !
Reply
:iconvincentsdeviantart:
thanks so so so much for the watch
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:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Feb 26, 2014  Student General Artist
you're welcome ! your art is really cool !
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:icondameodessa:
DameOdessa Dec 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Merci infiniment pour le :+devwatch::huggle:
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:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Dec 8, 2013  Student General Artist
De rien, c'est normal !
on ne se débarasse pas de moi si facilement
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:icondameodessa:
DameOdessa Dec 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug:
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:iconexplosivecoffee:
Hey there~ Happy birthday! Hope you have a great one :D
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:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Oct 29, 2013  Student General Artist
thank you very much, you'r the sweetest !
Reply
:iconunthai:
UnThai Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Afternoon,

Literary Publications have formally invited you to become a part of an event that’ll shake the foundation of Literature Community. We’re looking for deviants who would like feedback and others who would like to provide feedback. We're hosting this event for all literary deviants and would like to give commentary, critiques, and feedback. Also during the month August, there will be grand prizes.

Here's the reason why...

I'm creating this very large event because I’m tired of so many deviations of wonderful literature barely getting the attention they deserve. In fact, there's really only two ways this tends to happen. It’s either solicited by Spam or added to a Group—who doesn’t even help in the department of honest feedback.

And I’m sure most of you didn’t come to deviant art just to store writings. You came here to share!

So I came up with a theory, what if they had the opportunity to get the attention they deserve and more? Would they be willing to jump on it?

Of course they would!

Let me ask you this, what personal connection do you have to literature? It's almost as if literature is the air you breathe, no?

As I've stated again and again, I have a goal to bring the Literature Community of Deviant Art back to life. I’m sure I’m not alone and I’m also 100% positive this isn’t the first time you’ve seen this type of glimmer of hope—but hopefully we can make it the last.

And I’m sure you’re asking, “Alright, how many times do they have to submit something to a group and still see no progress in feedback? How many times do they have to join these events and it’s never legit enough? What makes Your Group so different?”

We’re here to help… That’s the difference…


This isn't about Popularity... It's all about Literature & Commentary...


I just need you to join.

We currently have 30+ Members who are a part of the event, but we need at least 50 to really get the variety flowing. Also, We’re in dire need of critic’s!




Thank you for taking your time out to read. If you're interested in participating, here's the [link] to the journal. Everything you’d like to know about the event is there; though if you have any questions, feel free to drop a comment below it.

I look forward to having you participate in this wonderful event!






:jsenn: Un Thai
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:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Jun 13, 2013  Student General Artist
wow. first, thank for asking me to join in ! I just have one question... I do write, and I enjoy it, but I'm french and therefore write mainly in this language (except fanfics but let's not go there.) and beside, I posted only one text on my deviantart gallery... And, I'm not so great to feedback english writing, because, well, I can read it good enough (obviously), but I'm not aware of the more specifics points of the language and stuff like that.
So to sum it up, why ask me ?
Of course, it's a great event and I'm okay with participating and everything, I just don't see how I would be relevant to the project...
Reply
:iconsyalice:
syalice May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yo j'ai fait ton dessin : [link]
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim May 26, 2013  Student General Artist
yo merci vieille
wesh t'as vu moi aussi jfais la caillera
Reply
:iconsyalice:
syalice May 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
TMTC grosse
Represente la téci
N*k sa reum
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim May 27, 2013  Student General Artist
comment tu cause de ma reum toi là ho
jte ramène mon ginfran tva voir la face de ton rofré à la sortie d'la récré toi ho
Reply
:iconderangedmisfit:
DerangedMisfit May 15, 2013
thanks for the llama ^_^
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:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim May 15, 2013  Student General Artist
you're quite welcome !
Reply
:iconastrikos:
Astrikos May 6, 2013   General Artist
Thank you for participating in my project, you've been featured here.
Consider giving the article a :+fav: so more people can see it! :heart:
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim May 7, 2013  Student General Artist
thank you !
Reply
:iconastrikos:
Astrikos May 7, 2013   General Artist
:heart:
Reply
:icondaschnookle:
daschnookle Apr 14, 2013
You've been featured! [link]
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Apr 15, 2013  Student General Artist
thank you very much !
Reply
:icongvcspecks:
Dammit I deleted the last reply...
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Apr 6, 2013  Student General Artist
Nooooo now we will never remember what we were arguing about !
we are stuck ! because of you ! noooooo !
Reply
:icongvcspecks:
It wasn't just my fault.
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